Starting couples counselling can feel like a leap into the unknown. You may be wondering what actually happens in a session, how your counsellor will work with you, and whether it will help.
If you’re working with an integrative couples counsellor, you’re likely to experience a flexible and holistic approach—drawing on different therapeutic models such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Attachment Theory, Transactional Analysis (TA), and the Person-Centred Approach.
Here’s what you can expect from the process—starting with the first session and moving into setting goals and working together.
The First Session: Assessment and Understanding
The first session is often an assessment session, and it’s less about “fixing” anything right away and more about getting to know you both as individuals and as a couple.
Your counsellor will:
- Invite you to share your story—how you met, the ups and downs, and what’s brought you to therapy now.
- Help you both feel heard and seen in a non-judgmental, empathic space (a core part of the Person-Centred Approach).
- Explore any recurring patterns of conflict or disconnection through the lens of Transactional Analysis (e.g. how past experiences or learned roles from childhood influence how you respond to each other today).
- Begin to identify attachment styles—are you more anxious, avoidant, or secure? This helps illuminate the emotional needs and reactions that can drive misunderstandings.
- Understand the thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours that may be contributing to conflict (using CBT)—such as assumptions, misinterpretations, or automatic reactions.
By the end of the session, you’ll begin to form a shared understanding of what’s happening in the relationship—and start shaping what you want to work toward.
Setting Goals for Counselling
Once you’ve had time to explore your relationship dynamics, your counsellor will support you in setting meaningful and realistic goals.
These could include:
- Learning to communicate more openly and calmly (CBT + TA)
- Identifying and breaking repetitive negative cycles, like the “pursue-withdraw” dynamic (EFT + Attachment)
- Increasing emotional safety and closeness (EFT)
- Exploring how childhood messages and roles impact your current relationship (Transactional Analysis)
- Rebuilding trust and empathy following a rupture
- Enhancing your connection and intimacy
Goal-setting is collaborative. Your counsellor won’t tell you what you “should” want—rather, they’ll help you clarify what you both hope for, and support you in working toward it at a pace that feels right.
How the Work Progresses
Each session builds on the last, helping you deepen your understanding of yourselves and each other. Depending on what’s most relevant to your relationship, sessions may involve:
🧠 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Identifying unhelpful thoughts that trigger conflict
- Reframing beliefs about yourself or your partner
- Building healthier communication habits
💞 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) & Attachment Work
- Exploring your emotional needs and fears
- Understanding how your attachment style shows up in conflict or intimacy
- Learning to respond to each other with more vulnerability and care
🧒 Transactional Analysis (TA)
- Spotting when you’re communicating from your “Parent,” “Adult,” or “Child” ego states
- Understanding how early messages and roles shape your reactions
- Practicing more balanced, Adult-to-Adult communication
🤝 Person-Centred Approach
- Providing a safe, empathetic space where both partners feel fully heard
- Valuing each person’s unique experience without judgment or pressure
- Encouraging personal growth, self-awareness, and self-acceptance
Your counsellor may also offer tools, insights, or optional exercises to work on between sessions—but the real work happens in the room, through your growing awareness, connection, and emotional honesty with each other.
You Don’t Need to Be in Crisis
Couples counselling isn’t only for relationships in distress. Many couples come to strengthen their bond, deepen understanding, or navigate major life changes like parenting, moving in together, or adjusting to a new phase of life.
In fact, counselling can be especially powerful when sought proactively—before issues become deeply entrenched.
Final Thoughts
An integrative approach to couples counselling allows your therapist to adapt to your unique relationship, drawing on multiple theories and tools to help you reconnect, communicate, and grow together.
It’s not about assigning blame or deciding who’s right. It’s about understanding the deeper emotional layers behind your conflicts, healing past hurts, and building new patterns of connection.
Taking the first step might feel daunting, but it can also be the beginning of a more fulfilling relationship—with each other, and with yourselves.
Ready to start the conversation?
If you’re curious about couples counselling or want to know more about how integrative therapy can support your relationship, please do get in touch Enquiry Form
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